…”How is it that I think and do things that I don’t want or desire to think or do”? I answered that everyone is that way, and so forth. Therefore, the more one conquers himself, the greater the reward that he will receive there in eternity. This is the Christian’s most essential duty, and for this one needs God’s help, which is received through prayer…
Category: Life
32 Years Ago…
today I was tossed in the back of a White Bear Lake, MN, squad car and hauled off to Ramsey County Detox. I was depressed, lonely, afraid, angry, and medicating my world with beer.
It was a hard time. Hard to hear my friend say he wouldn’t take me in and my parents say they didn’t want me at home either. There were so many questions and so few answers. There was trouble and very few safe places for refuge. There was so much to learn but it looked like time was short. I was hurting people and hurting myself. All I wanted was to have my mind and heart and soul be at rest for just a minute and drinking was as close to that as I could get.
God knows that I wouldn’t want to do all those days over again and God also knew they were necessary if anything good was going to come of me. The first thing that had to go was the drinking. It was like pouring gas on a fire. Then each year unfolded and I learned more and grew more and somehow have made it to today. Outside of things related to the Eucharist I haven’t had anything to drink for 32 years today.
The glory is all God’s. His was the grace the unraveled my knots and continues to do so. His was the love that sustained and showed itself to me in all the people who came to my aid. His was the peace that helped me through some very hard valleys. His was the life that would not let me go, even when I wanted to die.
My being a Priest is, in part, something I felt I needed to do, a service of gratitude for a life that was spared from what could have been much worse. Whatever else happens in my life I pray that I will always be faithful to the God who was and is faithful to me in ways I cannot even imagine.
From time to time I’ve thought about what it would be like to lift that beer or crack open a bottle. Sometimes when I’m tired and frustrated I just want to erase my mind with the stuff. Yet I’ve got better things to live for, higher goals to attempt, and a home with the Lord who loves me at the end of it all. This helps me through. This makes it all worthwhile.
No looking back. It’s all good. Thank you God. Thank you family. Thank you friends. I’m alive, more alive now than I’ve ever been and it’s getting better each day.
And the joy…
Long My Imprisoned Spirit Lay,
fast Bound In Sin and Nature?s Night;
thine Eye Diffused A Quickening Ray;
I Woke, The Dungeon Flamed With Light;
my Chains Fell Off, My Heart Was Free,
I Rose, Went Forth, And Followed Thee.
my Chains Fell Off, My Heart Was Free,
I Rose, Went Forth, And Followed Thee.
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And Now for Some Good News…
A paraplegic finishes a marathon in England thanks to a special suit allowing her to walk. Very cool.
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Dinosaur Farts…
there are dozens of really good reasons to conserve, protect, and preserve the natural environment. This is not one of them.
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Wisdom…
Faith and love which are gifts of the Holy Spirit are such great
and powerful means that a person who has them can easily, and with
joy and consolation, go the way Jesus Christ went. Besides this,
the Holy Spirit gives man the power to resist the delusions of the
world so that although he makes use of earthly good, yet he uses
them as a temporary visitor, without attaching his heart to them.
But a man who has not got the Holy Spirit, despite all his
learning and prudence, is always more or less a slave and
worshiper of the world.
St. Innocent of Irkutsk, Indication of the Way into the Kingdom of
Heaven.
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Wisdom…
Every day you provide your bodies with good to keep them from
failing. In the same way your good works should be the daily
nourishment of your hearts. Your bodies are fed with food and your
spirits with good works. You aren’t to deny your soul, which is
going to live forever, what you grant to your body, which is going
to die.
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If You Wish…
to save the world transform yourself and the world will follow.
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A Must Read for Priests…
As a person who served two toxic Baptist parishes and two good Orthodox churches I found this article compelling. Those two toxic parishes have definitely affected my own willingness to take on a parish full-time. They lurk in the back of my mind every time I think about stepping out and asking for an assignment.
A sample…
They are called “clergy killers” — congregations where a small group of members are so disruptive that no pastor is able to maintain spiritual leadership for long.
And yet ministers often endure the stresses of these dysfunctional relationships for months, or even years, before eventually being forced out or giving up.
Adding to the strain is the process, which is often shrouded in secrecy. No one — from denominational officials to church members to the clerics themselves — wants to acknowledge the failure of a relationship designed to be a sign to the world of mutual love and support.
But new research is providing insights into just how widespread — and damaging — these forced terminations can be to clergy.
An online study published in the March issue of the Review of Religious Research found 28 percent of ministers said they had at one time been forced to leave their jobs due to personal attacks and criticism from a small faction of their congregations.
The researchers from Texas Tech University and Virginia Tech University also found that the clergy who had been forced out were more likely to report lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression, stress and physical health problems.
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It's True…
God loves you no matter who you are and what you’ve done.
But why?
God’s love has purpose. The purpose is to draw us up and out of wherever we are, even if that appears to be a good place, and draw us to closer to that which is truly good, a living and vital union with our Creator.
That might entail some difficulty, some transformation and change on our part. We, though we are created in God’s image, still have been made sick by sin and death. Our judgement is not always true. Our insight is not always keen. Our chosen paths, even the pleasurable ones, are not always right.
It is ever so much easier to say “God loves me just as I am” because there is a fragment of truth in that and that fragment can help us keep up the charade while avoiding the possibility of our little worlds being upset. God loves us as we are but the end of that love is not affirming our sicknesses and struggles but rather to work for our healing, our betterment, and perhaps, one day, shine in his uncreated light. Anything less sells both God’s love and ourselves short.
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We're Taking a Car…
down to Nashville this next week, the plane is just too much and sometimes its good to take some time on the road.
You see things in a different way along the road. Things are as they are, not just little squares of land or city lights 30,000 feet below. You realize that wherever you go is home to someone, the place where they are making their lives. In a certain way you get to be their guest and even if its just for a passing moment you share what they see every day.
Wecause they’re not taking the fast road either. We’ll miss Chicago, on purpose, and head down the middle of Illinois and through the south of the state. I lived in Illinois for two years but never left Chicago and I’m really interested in seeing what life is like in the real world.
Somewhere along the line we’ll make a big left turn and head towards Nashville, Murfreesboro, to be exact. It’s a business trip for one of us but for me its all about the ride. I plan on driving to Mississippi and Alabama just because they’re there and I have a friend I’d like to see if time works out. Or maybe I’ll cancel it all and just lay around the hotel. I’ll make up my mind when I get there.
That’s why, after all, you take a car, make the ride, and live on your own schedule. That and you won’t be treated by your own government like a potential terrorist. Oh, and don’t forget the sheer pleasure of being able to roll down your window.
The Beautiful Path 