Category: Life

Only a sinner…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

The past couple of days have seen my writing caught up in the issues related to Orthodox faith and the upcoming election in Minnesota where a mong the items is a constitutional amendment affirming the definition of marriage as one man and one woman. The responses have been largely thoughtful and interesting.

Yet one thing is very important to know. I wish I could have come to my conclusions about sexuality and marriage from a holy perspective. I wish I had the followed the path that our Faith laid out for me in these matters, but I didn’t. I’m not going to go into the gory details but suffice it to say I came of age in the late 70’s and early 80’s, the era of “sex, drugs, and rock and roll”, and I managed to fit all of them into my schedule.

I’ve never really spoken much about this because frankly it’s not something I really want to revisit very often. I’m ashamed of some of the things I did and sometimes I look back and say “My God, what was I thinking?” I hurt people and used them, people who didn’t deserve to be hurt and used. I hurt myself as well and brought issues and struggles into my life that continue to this day. God forgives, restores, heals, and makes new. When sanity returned both my wife and I did follow the Good path, she had never left and I caught up to her, but it doesn’t mean that what happened didn’t happen and that I was made permanently immune to its effects.

I was a lonely kid in high school, looking for love, acceptance, people to be my friend, and some larger purpose. There were a lot of short cuts out there that promised some, most, or all of what I needed and I took some of them. Yet what I truly needed continued to elude me. There were lots of blind alleys to travel, lots of easy but treacherous paths. In the end, though, the bill was way higher than the benefits, the check far more costly than the meal was worth.

The truth is that I’m far from an example of perfection. I’m basically a sinner immeasurably helped by God’s grace and somehow elevated to a dignity as Priest that I never will deserve. So many of the things I know, so many of the things I talk about, are not based on some superior wisdom but rather on my own experiences sticking, as it were, my foot into a bear trap enough times to finally realize that it might not be a good idea.

All I know for sure is that there is a better way. a way that revolves in and around Jesus. It took me a while to figure that out, and sometimes I still miss the point, but from what I’ve glimpsed of it there is nothing better. I want people to know about this way. I want people to experience it. I would rather have people not experience the pain, the struggle, and the heartbreak that comes from looking for good water in empty wells.

So if i get a little fervent sometimes please forgive. There are times when I feel like a person waving madly at passing cars, trying to get them to notice that the bridge is out. Just know that it isn’t about me, about politics, about money, or anything else except to hope you find what I want my words and life to be about, Jesus.

Orthodox but…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ 2 Comments

Orthodox Christianity is way of life, a way of looking and acting in the world as a follower of Christ that is all inclusive and comes, over time, to fill every part of our lives, in fact to become our life. This is a difficult thing because it requires radical transformation of our entire being. In time we are asked to replace who we are at any given moment with who we were designed to be by God. We are called to die to ourselves to find true life.

Along the way there is resistance. Our old life is not always willing to let go. Even the most pious seem to be able to find pockets of resistance hidden in dark corners and the much less pious, like myself, can find all we need in plain view. Because the reward is high the demands are high and easier roads can be very alluring.

Yet it can’t be “I’m Orthodox but…” Authentic Orthodoxy touches every aspect of life and there is no place in a human life outside of its claims. There are no separate rules for politics, business, sexuality, intellect, the list can go on.  If Orthodoxy is to be lived effectively, in its most blessed and saving sense, its claim on the human must be complete and ongoing.

Now I’m not saying this because I have achieved anything. In many ways  I have not even yet come to know what I don’t know. Yet this truth I do know and my failures to live it do not negate it. If I am to be truly Orthodox there are no “but’s” allowed, no compromises, just one glorious journey. If I am to be faithful I am slated to be a stranger in this world, staying where I can but ever on a trek to my true home.

This is not easy. I will fail. I will try to negotiate God down to something that I believe better suits my needs. I will look for the small print at the bottom of the contract. Its what we broken humans do. Yet in the end I hope to lose this bout with God, to say “uncle” as it were or better yet “Abba Father” and come to know eternal life.

 

It's important to note…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

that we swim in a culture where we are constantly surrounded by messages that tell us one thing “Your feelings are the source and measure of validity.”

In school, on the TV, all around us, often even in church we are reminded in one form or another that if if feels good at the moment then it must be right. Don’t think, just do. Forget the larger picture and savor the moment. The urge itself is the proof that its true.

Why?

Our emotions are one of the most malleable, least stable, and easily conquered part of who we are. Move them, change them, shape them and you can often control the person, especially if you’ve already worked hard to erase the potential for critical thought and wider horizons. There is money to be made, power to be had, influence to be exercised to the person who knows how to shape the human emotions. You may not realize this but our society is often really about making you compliant drones depositing money, time, and even the energy of your life into a corporate/government matrix where the whole purpose of your existence is to be a consumer, a rat in a race to constantly acquire and in doing so please the person or entity on the next level higher than yours.

That’s in part why Christian faith is the ultimate counter culture in these times. Christian faith calls us to the widest horizon beyond consumer self interest that exists, namely eternity. Christian faith challenges us to live its values, these eternal realities, in the here and now and directing our lives beyond ourselves. Gain by losing. Get by giving. Live beyond the lies. Because of this Christian faith is often considered by those most likely to profit from a world of “Just do it” as the ultimate heresy.

Yet for those who understand, it’s the ultimate truth, and the ultimate freedom.

They call us haters…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

and homophobes and intolerant and a whole list of other names, we pastors and priests who have somehow managed to remember the Gospel in these crazy times. Its hurts to hear it but the reality is that nothing could be further from the truth.

You see, priests and pastors often work in the aftermath. We’re not perfect but as imperfect people we try our best to help our so-strugglers find the way. When the way isn’t found then we work in the aftermath, trying as best we can to help people through, walking with them through some very dark places, and seeking to heal wound both old and new.

We’re the ones who hear the cries of the young girl pregnant by a man who has abandoned her. We’re the ones who visit people in prison. We sit at too many hospital bedsides helping people make sense of their loved one with the tubes and monitors. If all else fails we try to bury you with the greatest dignity possible and give some sense of hope to those who carry on. Our calling is to live in light but the truth is we often live with unimaginable darkness and struggle. We’ve seen more of life’s dark underly than you know, and because of it we don’t want you to experience it for yourselves.

That’s why we talk about chastity, health, faith, safety, goodness, sin, not getting caught up in the transient things of life, not trading the moment for eternity. We’ve seen what happens. We know there is suffering and death there. We love you enough to tell you about it so that can make choices with more than the television as your guide. If you’re dying of HIV we’ll be there for you but if we can help you find a better path and avoid it we’d much rather do that. We’ll baptize your baby and do our best to help you, but if you don’t get pregnant before you’re married you’ll avoid so much potential and actual trauma. We want you to know that not because we about repressing you but because we’re about trading the less for the better, the moment for the eternal, the long and better path for the easy downhill slide.

So the truth is you can call us what you want. We’re gonna love you anyways. It’s not the love the world gives which is basically a capitulation to the feelings of a moment but rather the love that God gives, an eternal desire for the betterment and salvation of its object. And when things don’t work out like they promised, when the consequences come, when you discover the hook inside the bait, we’ll be there too, not to condemn but to heal, not to say “I told you so” even if we did, but to welcome you home. For that moment we endure. For that time of grace we pray. For that hope we live.

And when you’re ready our door will always be open.

It's about a readjustment…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ 2 Comments

Saw a picture of my old band up on the stage at the Fine Line in Minneapolis. I guess the wistfulness is still there, yet at the same time new challenges are calling out to me and I see a brightness in the future.

I’m being, I believe, called back to my pastoral ministry, to serving the people of God and there is great joy and peace in that. For several years after leaving St. Elias I’ve helped parishes here and there but music and work and other things have consumed much of my time. Now it feels like a good time to work my way back, to take on a more active role, to be what hands were laid on me to be.

You see I’ve been like Jonah in some ways. Called one way and heading out the other. Yet no matter how far I’ve traveled I still feel the tug. I love the church. I love the liturgy. When I serve God’s people in the Church I feel like I’m being significant in the way God wants me to be. Don’t get me wrong. I love music. I love writing. I just want to be where Jesus is more than being on stage or having people read my stuff. I think the call from the band that cut me loose was also God’s call to carry me back. Jonah got spit out of the whale and I got spit, as it were, out of the Redemption Alley Band.

Now its about a readjustment, to embrace again my calling, my training, the reason I went to seminary and set out in that great big world in the first place. I know its the right thing. I know there’s a future in it. I know its where peace and joy reside. It’s been a good trip and I’m glad I took the journey. I’m glad i was with my traveling companions. The plane flight back from a trip is, though, also a good ride.

I’m a Priest. It is my joy, love, and passion. God help me to be what you want me to be.

We love you but…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ 2 Comments

That seems to be the way it is, we love you and then that little word “but” which changes everything. It means that bad news is coming, something is ending, or changing, and it probably won’t be good.

In my case the but was followed by “we’ve decided to go with a different bassist” and that was it. They still wanted to talk but what was there to say? At the time I didn’t want to know why they wanted to drop me and I was stunned by the suddenness of it even as I knew exactly what was going to happen when their first text message came my way. I named the band. I set up the locations for the first “alley” photo shoots. I started the Facebook site, the Twitter feed, the web page. I developed the bass parts for all of the songs. In less than five minutes it was gone.

Yet I understand. They wanted to move on. There were a few times when I thought about moving on. Each time I swallowed it back and went on. They were good guys. Good musicians.  We were on a mission. When it clicked it was very good. But I was different. Different in faith. Different in life. Different in where I’d been and what I’d experienced. I wanted to rock more, talk about Jesus more, play more blues. I wanted music people could dance to and yet music with a very real and raw edge. I thought we needed to talk to a generation that had next to no idea about the Bible but knew everything about condoms.  I don’t know all the behind the scenes stuff but in the end it was “We love you but…” the evangelical Christian way of breaking your heart with a pious spin. It still stings sometimes. It stings as I write this.

By all the world’s rules for bands I’m supposed to hate them and hope they fail without me but that’s not how I am, it’s not what I wish to be. There is no good in defining yourself by your hurts or letting them overwhelm you. There will always be things in life that have no explanation, opportunities that should have been but never came to be, mysteries without immediate answers. There’s a reason behind all of this, a reason yet undiscovered and a plan yet to be revealed. I practice my instrument, pray, pray for them, wait, and trust in God’s love. There is a time and place for me but apparently it’s not where I thought it was going to be. God knows. I need to rest in that.

In the meantime I’m between where a door closes and another opens. It’s an interesting place, the place where trust is formed and love is experienced even as every so often I wonder why.

You will be wise…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

if you understand that every time you watch the TV, listen to the radio, or read a magazine or newspaper there is an attempt underway to manipulate you. It’s not just about the information, it’s about the end to which the information is directed. Remember this and you will have insight.

The Question is…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

whether the well planned protests and violence against our embassies in the Middle East will cause us to defend or back off from our value of free speech. If we back off then the thugs have won and it will be a tragedy perhaps even greater, in its own way, than the first 9/11.

Let me explain. I don’t like it when people portray Jesus in horrible ways, which, in this culture they often do because they know Christians are not going to blow up buildings and kill people. I’m offended by such things, often deeply, but I understand that the value of free speech is such that I will have to put up with offense at times and quite frankly I would rather do that than have a series of government or social editors screening what I should and shouldn’t see, hear, read, watch, you know the drill.

As I’ve been surveying the www it has come to my attention that a General in the US Military called the pastor who apparently is making a film in which Mohammed is a character and asked him to back away from the project. He has done this in his official capacity as a military officer. This has also happened, in my research, at least one time before in different circumstances and with a different general.

We can’t have that. I don’t know if this soon to be revealed film is offensive to Muslims, or at least the ones who like to burn things and kill people. Quite frankly I don’t care. Free speech means that people have a right to say offensive things, stupid things, heretical things, things I don’t like. It also means that I have the right to speak my mind and somebody may not like that but that’s just the way it goes. The freedom is essential to faith, to science, to everything that makes life in a civilized world possible and once we have people in official government capacities asking us to “tone it down” we’ve already slipped into slavery to fanatics and become less of who we are supposed to be.

As for the screaming crazies who like to burn and kill in the name of their “prophet” I only have this to say. If your “prophet” is so weak and sensitive that he can’t take even a little criticism without inciting mayhem why do you believe in his revelation?

On the Death of Rev. Moon…

~ Fr. John Chagnon ~ Leave a comment

Having largely disappeared into obscurity as a religious leader the teachings of Rev. Moon have also basically faded from view. Does anyone know a person who is actually a member of the Unification Church? Yet in his time his claims were grand and he was, perhaps, one of the most prominent of the “cult” leaders of his era.

As a side note during my seminary years I did some work as an intern at Montrose Baptist Church in Chicago where the Rev. Jim Jones (no relation) was Pastor. To help pay the bills a second church used the building, a Korean Baptist Church pastored by a Rev. Moon (Moon is a fairly common Korean name).