Living La Vida Decaf…

On Sunday, February 5, I went decaffeinated. Not by choice. It just happened.  Apparently they don’t give throwback Mountain Dew to people with jittery hearts. Thus the end. No tea, coffee, pop, those little cans of whatever they put in to make you get up and go. They bounce your heart around so if it has caffeine, forget it.

Now I’m just out of step with things. I’m the guy in slow motion while the world keeps spinning faster. Everyone around me is jacked up and I’m the one up to my knees in mud. We’re fueled by the stuff, the energy drinks, the coffees, the pop, and I was right in there. When I was traveling to LaCrosse for church I’d have one Monster on the way down and another on the way back. Then pop in between. Diet pop to be sure but still full of the juice. I was in the race, scratching with everyone else for. perhaps, those few extra minutes of awake that were supposed to make the difference between success and failure. I don’t know.

Now I’m living la vida decaf. I’m tired when I’m supposed to be and sometimes when I’m not. I’m sure my ticker is happy that my foot is off the soda accelerator but I’m still trying to catch up. So this is how people lived when they didn’t have Red Bull. The day just did what it wanted to do and you floated along as you could. Sun rise, sun set, work hard, go to sleep. Nothing buzzing, nothing fluttering, nothing wide awake at a time when nature normally says “Go to bed.”

I’m in the eye of the storm, watching the world swirl around me. It’s good because its calm, and quiet, and a lot less jumpy. Yet in a 24 /7 world I’m feeling like a throwback, like someone who just doesn’t get it, an upright bass at a Metallica concert. Some time before early February I had energy to spare and now I bounce along in the current. Maybe this is part of what Jesus meant when he said “Come unto me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”  It just takes some getting used to.

Its a Little after 10…

the house is quiet and the music of rehearsals has faded away. Just not a good day. Too Tired. Too worn out. Too uninspired. I hope the guy we auditioned today will say yes to the band. I hope he didn’t hear my mistakes. There are lots of hopes.

Life can be exhausting sometimes. I’m not sure, though, that I’d have it any other way because if I wasn’t tired I fear I would not be living it as much as possible.  Fatigue is the cost of pushing out beyond our boundaries but no horizon seems to be reached without it. In the end that’s where I’d like to be when my time comes, pushing on to the horizon.

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