From Prayers by the Lake…

Think of yourself as though you were dead, I say to myself, and you will not feel the coming of death. Blunt the barb of death during life, and when it comes it will not have the means to sting.

Think of yourself every morning as a newborn miracle, and you will not feel old age.

Do not wait for death to come, because death has indeed already come and has not left you. Its teeth are continually in your flesh.  Whatever was living before your birth and whatever will survive your death–that even now is alive within you.

One night an angel unwound the tape of time, the end of which I was unable to perceive, and he showed me two dots on the tape, one next to the other. “The distance between these two dots,” he said, “is the span of your lifetime.”

“That means my lifetime is already over,” I shouted, “and I must be prepared for the journey. I must be like a diligent hostess, who spends the present day cleaning house and making preparations for tomorrow’s slava1 celebration.”

Truly, the present day of all the sons of men is for the most part filled with concern for the next day. Yet few of those, who believe in Your promise, concern themselves with what will happen the day after death. May my death, O Lord, be my last sigh not for this world, but for that blessed and eternal Tomorrow.

Among the burned out candles of my friends, my candle, too, is burning down. “Do not be foolish,” I reprimand myself, “and do not regret that your candle is burning out. Do you really love your friends so little, that you are afraid to set out after them, after the many who have strolled away? Do not regret that your candle is burning low, but that it is leaving be­hind unclear and dim light.”

My soul has become accustomed to leaving my body every day and every night, and to stretch herself out to the limits of the universe. When she has sprouted in this way, my soul feels as though suns and moons are swimming over her even as the swans swim over my lake. She shines through suns and supports life on earthly planets. She supports mountains and seas; she controls thunder and winds. She completely fills Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.2 And she returns to shel­ter in a cramped and dilapidated habitation on one of those earthly planets. She returns to the body that she still, for another minute or two, calls her own, and which sways like her shadow among mounds of graves, among lairs of beasts, among howls of false hopes.

I do not complain about death, O Living God, it does not seem to me to be anything sad. It is a terror that man has created for himself. More strongly than anything on earth, death is pushing me to meet You.

I had a walnut tree in front of my house, and death took it from me. I was angry at death and cursed it saying: “Why did it not take me, an insatiable animal, instead of something sinless?”

But now I think of myself as though I were dead, and near my walnut tree.

O my Immortal God, look mercifully upon a candle that is burning out, and purify its flame. For only a pure flame rises toward Your face, and enters Your eye, with which you watch the whole world.

A Little Aside…

Being bi-vocational I wear ties or collars depending on where I am working. Here are some new ties I’ve ordered just in time for spring. Yes, I am a nerd and proud of it. Any other questions?  :  )

ties

Lent is a…

kind of war. If you participate in it at all you’ll realize how counter cultural the whole thing is, how defiant it is of the prevailing order of things. In a gluttonous culture you decide to fast. In a promiscuous culture you stand for chastity. In a consumerist culture you decide to share. In a culture of immediacy you choose to see eternity. Face it, Lent is making war on just about everything American pop society values.

So why should you be surprised when the whole thing decides to push back? Think of the sheer amount of money invested in you being promiscuous, gluttonous, greedy, and self-centered. Whole industries would collapse if the spirit of Lent caught on in the general population. Important people would lose their jobs. Politicians would be out of power. A whole political – economic system that thrives on human depravity would fall into disuse.

That’s why it’s easier to stigmatize you as a relic, someone out of touch with the “real” world, a throwback to a less civilized time. If someone asks questions they may not get the answers our world has predetermined to be correct. If someone stands back from the whole mess and sees that it really is a mess they might consider opting out. If the emperor really is naked then the people selling us invisible clothes will stop having their sway. What will the plantation owner do if the slaves taste freedom and decide to act on it?

So they tell you its a burden, an unrealistic expectation, even a kind of oppression. Lent is warfare. Lent is the animal looking up from trough and slaughter and seeing the sun beyond the pen. Lent is the realization there is so much more than toys and games and endless work to pay for it all. For the price of a little less food we get to see eternity. For the sacrifice of moments we would waste in front of the TV we get to experience the presence of God.  For 40 days, we get to taste authentic life, which is what, when you boil it down, the Kingdom of God actually is.

Yet don’t except this without a fight. Your soul is on the line and you can give it to God or sell it on the open market for the next new gadget.

Do the right thing.

 

Wisdom for Lent

Beware of limiting the good of fasting to mere abstinence from meats. Real fasting is alienation from evil. ‘Loose the bands of wickedness.’ Forgive your neighbor the mischief he has done you. Forgive him his trespasses against you. Do not ‘fast for strife and debate.’ You do not devour flesh, but you devour your brother. You abstain from wine, but you indulge in outrages. You wait for evening before you take food, but you spend the day in the law courts. Woe to those who are ‘drunken, but not with wine.’ Anger is the intoxication of the soul, and makes it out of its wits like wine.

St. Basil, in his homilies on the Holy Spirit

Wisdom for Lent…

† Abba Joseph asked Abba Poemen: “How should we fast?” And Abba Poemen said: “I myself think it’s good to eat every day a little at a time so as not to get full.” Abba Joseph said: “Well, when you were young, didn’t you used to fast for two days at a time?” And the old man said: “Believe me, indeed I did, for three days, and even a week. But the great elders tried all of this, and found that it is good to eat every day a little less each time. In this way, they showed us the royal highway, for it is light and easy.” Abba Poemen teaches us that we should be careful not to undertake efforts too great for us. It is better to make slow and steady progress with moderate efforts than to become discouraged or to miss the goal altogether with efforts too great for us.

As a Bi-Vocational Priest…

I live in two, or sometimes three worlds. The weekends, especially Sunday, belong to Church. The weekdays, at least four of them, belong to work, Monday is a day off to write, think, sleep, all the Sabbath kind of stuff. Sometimes I get a chance to play music at night.

Would that it could be so neat, of course, with clean lines and no blurring or juggling of the jobs. More usually all the roles find a way of mixing themselves in any given moment. The guys in the band know I’m a Priest. My fellow Priests know I have a “day job”. At work they know both and sometimes ask me questions about God or when I’m going out at a gig. It gets a little cluttered sometimes.

Some day, perhaps a parish or some other ministry will open up and the bi-vocational tab will close. Don’t know when. Don’t know where. All that is in larger hands. So the question seems to be about what I am learning in all of this. Patience. Seeing the larger picture. Serving where I can and being content with limits. One thing is most certain, though, is how my respect for those I serve has continued to grow.

Everyone is in their work, or at least should be, because they have a passion for it. Because of this it can be hard to understand people who don’t have the same passion. “Why don’t they like cars as much as I do? If the only understood…” When you’re a Priest you have a passion for the life and work of the Church. The people you serve, though, might not have that same passion. They have busy lives. They have their own interests. The inner workings of theology, liturgy, and faith, are not always on their front burner. Like they take care of your plumbing or run the local store you need to see after their souls. Its your passion, your work, your calling, and a potential danger is that you forget they why behind what you do and more important the people who you serve. In your own little world you can become isolated, tucked into your parish office, thinking thoughts unsullied by the larger world but also irrelevant to the daily lives of those in your care.

Bi-vocational life takes that all away. You work in the world. You must work in the world outside the parish walls to earn your bread. You must feel and experience all the things the people you are called for feel and experience. They’ve got traffic jams. You’ve got them too. They have bosses. So do you. They come home tired from a long day at the office. You do too. The whole thing tends to be grounding. It keeps you sensible and sane. It gives you a sense of perspective and mercy for those who listen to you on Sunday. Now I’m not saying that those who tend to parishes and people full time don’t have any of these things. But when you pack your lunch bag its a lesson you get over and over, every day, and it makes a difference.

because of this,  have become, over the years, more and more impressed with the courage, the strength, and the dedication shown by those I serve who every day work out their faith in the offices, factories, schools, and homes of this world. It’s never been easy. It may be more difficult now. It’s hard work to face the traffic, the cranky and capricious bosses, customers who sometimes seem on the edge of insanity or a baby who won’t stop crying and do it all in some sort of Christian spirit, following the way of Christ not from the veneer of safety brought on by a collar but from the every day grind of trying to do business in a fallen world without losing your soul. Even doing a little bit of it makes one a kind of champion. Its easy, in some ways, to be a Christian in a monastery. Try being one in a law office. Or a factory. Or any of a hundred places where you constantly have to live, move, and work within systems that can only be described as broken in one way or another or downright hostile to Christian ideals.

Knowing that changes everything. It just does. If and when I get back into my own parish office I pray to God that I will remember this and figure out how to be part of the solution and not the problem.

An Article…

on Orthodoxy and Catholicism worth reading including:

The yearning for authenticity and communion is a search for the transcendent and structured worship speaks directly to it. This is one reason why converts to the liturgical churches (Orthodox and Catholic alike) are often conservative in their approach to worship. In a culture where the divine dimension is lost and worship no longer exists, sexuality becomes a substitute. Malcolm Muggeridge said years ago that “sex is the sacrament of the materialist.” Ideologically this is true but as a priest I also take a more functional approach. The rampant sexuality we see in our culture is often an attempt to self-integrate and find communion — a reach for the unifying clarity that touching the transcendent promises — although greater disintegration is the inevitable result.