a lot these days, I’ve always been a person with an eye to the horizon. I often feel that if I have a goal then I have life, movement and possibility. Yet there’s a difficulty in that.

I still haven’t developed the ability to know the moments along the way. I suppose on one hand this helps to avoid pain. Why “live in the moment” if that moment is awful? But the side affect of that medication is a diminished ability to live in the joy of any given moment as well.

It seems they come together, to pause on the speeding train to the future means you must risk being in the moment however it presents itself. I would like the moments of joy to be forever and the moments of struggle and pain to last less then a second but to be open to one is to be open to all.

Perhaps the key is Faith, the ability to observe, or at least accept the possibility of, the hand of God in all things. Its not Faith as a kind of anesthesia but rather Faith as a framework, an interpretive grid. When the moments, good or ill, cause you to pause on the run to eternity Faith allows you to make sense of them, find their balance, or at least endure.

It’s getting close to the time to stop traveling and find a home. It’s one of those things you just know, a combination of people, places, and events all working together. The question is always about finding the hand of God in it all.

Sometimes that hand is present and apparent. We read the sacred texts and listen to the commands and so we know what to do. Love God, love your neighbor, the direction is plain even if the outworking isn’t always so precise. But other times the leading of God is more nuanced. How do I know when a job is ending and God is moving me on to another place? Is this person sitting across the restaurant table from me the one I should marry? When that happens the answer is that mysterious combination of the principles we’ve learned, our experience, our instinct, and that thing we call the “heart”.

And that can be a scary thing because of its lack of precision. When the light is red you stop. When its green you go. Sometimes the door closes hard behind you and other times the door you must exit and the one you must enter are only slightly ajar. The best path seems to be to use your insight, presuming that grace has illumined it, stay true to the larger principles, and step forward knowing that God cares for you and has the ability to weave the fabric of your life from whatever threads we have.

can be found here.

from a rehersal of some blues and folk music with a guitarist from the acoustic jam I attend on Sunday nights. It was a good time but of course we were a bit rusty not having played as a duo before. Oh well, in music as in things spiritual practice makes perfect.

that the “Fr John” posting on theantiochian.com is not me. I hope my writing is better and I always sign my full name. Just for the record.

fire at a www site entitled theantiochian.com, a site apparently designed to counter what it sees in the content of ocanews.org regarding the decision of the Holy Synod of Antioch changing the status of our Diocesan Bishops to auxiliaries.

Like many www sites, including at times http://www.ocanews.org, it has its share of venom and name calling. That’s probably the worst thing about having an internet “discussion”, the anonymity that allows people to take pot shots at each other. Please note, though, that no one is truly anonymous on the www. If I had the time and inclination, and I do not, I could track the address of every person who visits me here and so, by the way, can every site on the www from the ones selling books to those selling flesh. Be careful where you visit because somebody knows even if you’re all alone with your computer at 3 in the morning. Anyway, the new site is revelatory in that it exposes the cultural gap that’s adding fuel to this fire.

On one side of the gap are people who essentially saying “Metropolitan PHILIP is a great man who has done much for us and so he is be respected with loyalty for all that he has accomplished.” On the other are people who say “We have canons and rules in the Church which are binding on us all.” As I stand back and look I see these strains emerging and wonder if there is a way out. The first seems to be very “old country” for lack of a better term, people living as Christians in a hostile sea and a culture where strong leaders are expected as essential to the survival of the group. The second is very American, the sense of no person being above the law and decisions being made in compliance not with personality but with larger principles.

This is, I think, reflective of what has been happening in the Church throughout history. At times the very fabric of the Church has been shaped by individuals of great charisma, in the best sense of the word, and holiness, people who’s personal attributes have affected the larger group. We still have, for example, the Paschal Homily of St. John Chrysostom as the single required sermon of Pascha (Easter) centuries after his death. Yet at times there has also been the appeal to consensus and the rule of Tradition. No one person made up the Creed and then forced it on everyone else and there have been times when the people themselves have risen up and said “No!” to their Bishops when they perceived the decision was outside of the Tradition.

These two interwoven strains have always been a part of the Church and will probably never go away. In the current situation these strains, the appeal to a person and charisma and the appeal to the larger canon and tradition, are active, present, and “in play” in all of this. Perhaps knowing this will help us find our way home.

One can hope, anyways.

Hangin in Branson with the original remaining members of Bill Haley and the Comets rock and roll group and the original rock and roll bassist. Cool.

that former Green Bay Packer quarterback Bret Favre is meeting with the head coach of the Minnesota Vikings about possibility signing with the team. Pathetic.

to see “The Original Comets” yesterday at the Andy Williams Theatre in Branson.

Before his death in 1981 Bill Haley (Rock around the Clock) included many musicians among his “Comets” but the three who appear in Branson were the members of the version that recorded such hits as “Crazy Man Crazy” and, of course, “Rock around the Clock” in the early 50’s. Now in their 70’s and 80’s the three surviving members do six shows a week and still bring the house down.

Virtually all the shows in Branson are well done (Please avoid, though, the “Hank and Patsy” show at the Owen Theatre it’s so bad its surreal) but it was just great to see some rock legends playing their hearts out even in their Social Security years. The drummer, Dick Richards, is 85 and played a ten minute drum solo and was in top rockabilly form for the whole show. It gives a little bit of hope to this nearly 50 bassist.

And yes, I did get the autographs and beyond that I now have an 8 x 10 picture of myself with Marshall Lytle, the original bassist of “Bill Haley and the Comets”. What a treat to have my picture taken with the very first rock and roll bassist of all time still going strong at 75! When I get the USB cord for my camera I’ll post the shots.

from the NY Times, of all places, on science and religion and the meanings of things.