blowing across the city tonight.
Windows are rolled down.
Curtains float in the air.
Furnaces are silent.
The grass is brown but not for long.
The trees are bare but budding.
People are stirring from their slumber.
Its late in winter but there is a warm wind
blowing over the city.
The world seems to know
its time for a new skin.
Author: Fr. John Chagnon
My Doctor Says…
Every Priest Has Thought of It…
one time or another, especially if things are bumpy in their own jurisdiction. They look over the fence, see the greener grass and wonder, “What’s it like to be with __________?” It’s what sometimes happens when you’re a kid and mad at your parents. You think “Boy I wish I was that family’s kid they have it so nice over there.”
Well, not really.
Most of the time when you see someone else’s family they’re on their best behavior, the house is cleaned, the meal is good, and everything looks, well, polished. If you were to drop in a few days later, who knows? Dad in his underwear. Toys all over the floor. House smells like yesterday’s supper. When we don’t need to put on our best face we’re more like who we really are.
It’s the same with Orthodox jurisdictions. When things are challenging in ours we see the other “family” down the block and envy their supposed peace and stability. Tired of whatever is challenging us the grass on the other side does look greener. A Priest thinks “Boy, if I was just part of that jurisdiction everything would be better.” Compared to our mess the family down the street looks real good sometimes.
It’s understandable. To be in ministry requires a certain amount of idealism. The long hours and lower salaries would make no sense if there wasn’t some vision out there, some shining light to make up for the routines. You have to keep your eyes higher and your soul on better things to make it as a Priest. Nothing is worse than a tired, cynical, Priest. Nothing is more pitiful.
So we always look for silver linings in every cloud. It’s a survival thing. Sometimes those silver linings look like another jurisdiction, another Bishop, a point on a distant but not too clear horizon. Who wants to stay and work through pain and troubles when they could be avoided? Who wants to endure the slog of bearing each others burdens when a lighter yoke seems close by? It is a sweet illusion.
Yet that’s what it is, a dream. The Church is full of people, made up of human beings. Sometimes we’re really great to hang around with and other times we’re just a pain in the rear. All of us have our own dads in their underwear and toys all over the floor. Moving down the street doesn’t make that go away. After the honeymoon is done you’re pretty much back where you were before. It shouldn’t be, but crazy stuff is part of the reality of the Orthodox Church, from day one until now, and there will be no escape until angelic trumpets sound. Get used to it.
Now this doesn’t mean that we can’t seek the best, the most holy, the most good and work to implement it in our life. The ideal is important and we should always strive for it. People forget, though, that the Church is about human beings in training to be saints and the majority of us will never get most of it in this life. That shouldn’t excuse our sins and struggles but it should put them in perspective. Sometimes people in the Church can be cruel, vindictive, selfish, arrogant, and dark, myself included. Sometimes the consequences of their actions can be grim. Yet it’s that way with all of us. There may be a temporary respite somewhere but the same human failings are present no matter where the Church is, and so, by the way are its glories.
Moving to a new town? The only close Orthodox parish may be in another jurisdiction. Go and enjoy. Involved in a new ministry? Jurisdictions swap clergy for a variety of reasons all the time. Go with a blessing. Ticked off at someone or some group in your own jurisdiction and looking for an escape? Might as well stay and work it out because the chances are you’re just going to be with a new group of fallible humans struggling to live up to the high calling and dropping the ball. In other words the real world.
Eastern Christian Media Awards…
visit the site for the 2011 Blogging Awards here.
Your Spring…
has come early this year.
The air is warm.
The earth gives up its cold.
Ice becomes fresh water.
Trees and people wake from their winter slumber.
So it is with me.
I am waiting for Your spring.
Tired and frosted, my face turns towards Your sun.
Out from snowy darkness and bathed in light.
Clocks One Hour Ahead Tonight…
Wise Words…
Via Bishop Mark on Facebook…
How is it that I think and do things that I don’t want or desire to think or do”?
I answered that everyone is that way, and so forth. Therefore, the more one conquers himself, the greater the reward that he will receive there in eternity. This is the Christian’s most essential duty, and for this one needs God’s help, which is received through prayer…
St. Innocent of Alaska
Being Orthodox…
is like living in another world, not a particular ethnic world but rather a world that intersects with what we commonly understand as the “world” and yet at its core is very different and directed towards wholly different ends. I’m not sure that a person could understand Orthodoxy in its best sense and not be a little bit, or sometimes a lot, estranged from the everyday world. You are part of a tribe that ultimately belongs elsewhere and your travels have such a remarkably different destination.
To be Orthodox is to always be ill at ease, in the best sense of that phrase, with what’s around you. As you grow in your faith you begin to see the fallacies, the errors in logic, the terrible consequences of live lived without God. By seeing them you become “peculiar” as St. Paul would like to say it. How you process information. How you see and envision the world. How you actually live in the world. All these things begin to happen on different terms and those terms make you irregular in the usual course of things.
To be Orthodox is to wake up from a bad dream, a night vision of a world broken by its mortalities and subject to the unnatural rules of sin. There is more. There is better. There is truth and reality and it’s not where your old dream told you it was but rather where your new vision leads you. It’s why people left civilization for the deserts. It’s why wealthy people gave their riches to the poor. It’s why you feel best when you’re closest to the Holy. You are being transformed from a citizen of earth to a citizen of heaven. New rules apply. Old patterns lose their charm. A new person is being built inside your existing body and one day you, body and soul, will realize its potential.
For now we have to be here. This is okay. There is beauty and truth and love and many good things, shadows of the perfect that cause us both to mourn for Eden past and to know, in part, what good lies ahead. Yet we, if we are true to our faith, will always be a little unsettled while we’re here, involved but not attached, alive but not totally belonging, present but not completely accounted for. There is a great freedom in this and life abundant as we grasp this truth.
I Burned my Letterjacket…
today. In fact its still burning as I write. Nothing to do with hate, revenge, fear, or shame, it just seemed time to offer it as a sacrifice and with it any remaining pain or hurt from those long ago days.
There is nothing to go back to, all that was done was done and all that was forgiven was forgiven. There is nothing I need from that time and nothing to cling to. I found that symbol hanging in my closet, a symbol of everything good and bad. heights and depths, nothing more, nothing less, and it was time for it to go. Why cling to that which cannot be changed? Why seek redemption in a past when there is so much good in the present?
I am not the person I was in high school. I have played music before hundreds. I have preached before Bishops. I have given my life to one woman. I have been at the bedsides of the dying and I have brought people into life through baptism. I have written poems. I have faced danger and demons. I have talked to lost teenagers in the middle of the night. I make people laugh and I do my best to love freely. Whatever I was I try to be better. I choose to forgive and forgive myself. I pray for my classmates. I’m Ithankful for all that went before because it helped shape me and looking forward to what lies ahead.
The jacket was in the way, it was a reminder of days past, a memory of harder times. I couldn’t go on with it dragging me to a distant past so remote from who, by the grace of God, I have become. Those days are gone. This day is good. The fire was the way to offer it all up to the God who loved me then and loves me now. He is my purpose. And it didn’t fit anyway.
No more regrets. No more need to look to that time to redeem me. If my stay there wasn’t always exemplary my life after would certainly do credit to Mahtomedi High School yet it was not me, but Grace that has brought me safe thus far.
Come to think of it, though, I do have one regret. Years after graduation I found out that Chris Mauricio was interested in me. I like where I am now, and deeply love who I am with, but had I known back then I would have asked her out in half a heartbeat.
The Answer…
to the struggles and challenges of those who are dying is not to come to their house and dispose of them but rather to walk with them in love, compassion, caring, and friendship along the way. Even the dying have the image of God and should never be considered an inconvenience. The sick and the dying are given to us so that we can grow out of our self centeredness and become more human.

