An awkward time…

Occasionally I will get a person or two coming in to my office to talk about the recent loss of my brother. Invariably it’s a very awkward conversation.

First there’s the initial expression of condolences and a pause followed by whatever seems to be on the top of the comforter’s head about death. They had an uncle who died just like my brother, they may say, or they want a detailed report on all of the events. I stare blankly ahead, thank them for thier thoughts and just wait for the spool to unwind.

They mean well but what can they really say? It’s the tragic part of dying suddenly and young, the loss of the usual comforting words. They want to help, to make it all go away, but how? It’s done, there is no going back and nothing of what brought us to this point can be changed.

Yet the awkward words, the tales of how death touched them, or the need to know all the small details has within its rough shell a seed of good will, of kinship in the face of the mystery of death, and a desire for connection. Even the most eloquent among us are left stammering at the reality of it all so why expect more from the regular folks?

So please don’t be disappointed if I don’t react to your words in any way you think I should, or in any way at all. Truthfully I’ve heard it all before so the words themselves are meaningless, the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher. But I will remember that you thought enough to drop in, and that is what matters most. It’s so precious to me that I’ll even try to pay attention to the story of how your cousin died so you’ll know that beyond the words I’m trying to share something with you as well.